Thursday, August 03, 2006>
I KNOW YOU'LL BE READING THIS. fucking see this germaine, - everything beens done and said. you never gave me a good chance. how the fuck do you want me to talk with your friends and so many people around?but i dont blame you. i blame myself. guess i tried TOO hard huh. the flowers, the potrait, the paintings, the poems didnt make a difference i guess. i was glad you liked the sunflowers.- but. why are you so heartless.
'yes, you're irritating.' - those were the words you said to me. you dont know how much it hurts, do you. son of a bitch. it fucking hurt. after all we've been through, that 4 months. you just moved on ike that, and still i did so much for you, and you asked me to get the fuck out of your life? thanks, you ruined everything. everything. i cant believe you said that. someone that i loved so much would say that to me. it hit me hard. but still, im not giving up. sure, you ask me to leave you alone?i'll try to. its okay if you dont forgive me. go on with that guy whos seeing another girl. i've got no proof, but its all up to you to believe. even you said your friends also think hes cheating on you. stop lying to urself already. i know you're in love with him but i dont give a fuck. i did alot already. and you go,' oh he sacrificed so much for me, im so happy' and when i FUCKING sacrificed my time for you, skipped lessons so i could meet you and got into fucking trouble, you scold me and called me stupid. fine. well, but my feelings won't change for as long as i know. and i didnt eat and starved the whole fucking day just to let you know.
everyone beens telling me the same thing. ''she's not worth it la. just give up. she dosent even care a shit about you. dont waste your time.'' well, thanks. but true feelings are hard to change you know. fucking see this,- TRUE FEELINGS. yea you said it dosent matter how true it was, but its important to me.you didnt even give me a last glance when you left on the train. it fuckin hurt bad alright. and now my arm hurts too. sorry i've been a jerk then. i wanted you to be happy. i just missed you and called you again to say a proper goodbye. and you had to fuck my world upside down. you dont give shit bout me, and if i didnt care about you i wouldnt have did so much for you. those sleepless nights painting and drawing and those time i spend on poems werent for nothing. i was surprised you even liked one of them. i hope u keep it. you hate me for loving you, i guess.
well, my chance goes and another chance comes for me. but to that person(u know who u are), im sorry, i still love her alot and my feelings would be almost impossible to change. im having my problems, i know you're having yours too.its hard, i know. been there. im sorry.
and thanks shiyan for cheering me up. if i hadn't bump into you in town while wandering alone that day i woulda gone and done something stupid. thanks kevin( get those spray cans ready man) and yunyuan, you guys have always been there for me. and amanda, and alvin too. brother! you take care too man. we've been through so much together. we'll catch up again sometime. and lee han too, thanks. even a simple msg shows how much you guys care. maple, thanks too. see you on sat. cant wait.
bad week. bad day. bad face. bad haircut. lethargic. everythings lost.i should just go die. i've been thinkin of you. my arms are hurtin. my heart is aching and bleeding. my mind is tired. theres so much now on my mind. i can't rest till i see you smile, and hold you in my arms again.
my heart, my everything bleeds for you.
sucide notes and butterfly kisses-
5:29 AM
